Where is God in all the domestic violence going on? Does He really care? Yes! Because God not only cares, but loves us and wants to preserve our lives, His Word includes detailed instruction and advice about domestic violence. One of the places we find this is in the story of King Saul and David in the book of 1 Samuel. The story of Saul and David provides a study of the patterns often seen in cases of domestic violence.

Domestic violence is a pattern of misuse of power and control against a household member or intimate partner. It is an attempt to coerce, intimidate, and control through emotional, verbal, physical, sexual, financial, religious, or other means. Domestic violence is more about power and control than about gender. The domestic violence we see King Saul carry out against David is between two males, yet it shows many of the patterns typically seen in spousal abuse.

The story of Saul and David helps us to understand what goes on in domestic violence relationships. Even if you've already left such a situation, this portion of 1 Samuel can help you to...

• Understand what happened
• Protect yourself in future relationships
• Teach your children to recognize and respond to domestic violence that might occur in their future relationships

In starting this series of lessons based on the lives of Saul and David, you are encouraged to read through chapters16-26 of 1 Samuel. As you do, look for the following patterns:

Saul showed many of the characteristics frequently seen among domestic violence abusers, including:

1. Blames his abusive behavior on David, the victim
2. Has history of not taking responsibility for his actions, and using excuses
3. Narcissism (the world revolves around him and what he wants)
4. Extreme jealousy
5. Controlling; watches his victim's every move
6. Likes to bend or break the rules and defy the "system;" is rebellious
7. May lie or not keep his word
8. Repeatedly abuses, asks for forgiveness, then repeats the abuse
9. Becomes obsessive about David and stalks him
10. His religion was mostly an outward "show" to impress others
11. He twists the intents and meanings of others, and sees evil in others' motives
12. Lack of empathy, and a willingness to sacrifice others to get what he wants
13. Is insecure
14. Uses his position or power as a license to abuse
15. Probable trauma or generational sin in his upbringing (see Judges 20)
16. Can at times seem "possessed" or "out of his mind"

1. Appeased his abuser, "walked on eggshells" for a time
2. Abuse in his family of origin: brothers were abusive to him, and father treated him as inferior
3. Showed particular empathy for victims and "underdogs"
4. Was steadfast and showed extreme loyalty
5. Was good at taking care of others' needs

As we continue our study of Saul and David, we will see that it has much to teach us about dealing with domestic violence. We have a God who provides wisdom from His Word to meet our every need (2Timothy 3:16) and who has promised to teach and guide us (Psalm 25:8,9; Psalm 23:3)!

1. An abuser's background may provide clues for predicting future abuse: growing up with abuse; having trouble with authorities or the law; abusing a previous partner. Can you see any of these patterns in an abusive person you have known?